It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
