can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
