I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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