i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
