she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
