Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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