i think i have herpe
just one?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
