why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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