Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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