how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
