I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
