I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
