You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
