I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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