he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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