I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
