You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
