guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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