Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
