I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
