so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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