I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
