Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do herpes really smell.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
