After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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