how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
