he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
