I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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