His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
