We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's the barista slut.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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