i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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