I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
