It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
