new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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