just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
