the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i out mim tonsoeep
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