It's Friday. Sex?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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