First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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