I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
