He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
