I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ttyl tear gas
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
