I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
