I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
