I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This house was built for laser tag.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
