I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
