god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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