id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
