I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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