Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
