My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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