Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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